How I became a Plant-based Missaghian (part two)

Sweet potato & black bean enchiladas with avocado-cilantro cream sauce from: //ohsheglows.com

 Pilot project – to eat a plant-based diet for 3 weeks.

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My love, my support, my Ramin

If it wasn’t for Ramin’s support in that first week, I’m not sure I could have made the step myself. I find cooking two kinds of meals quite tiring and the delicious smell of cooking meat has always weakened my desire to stop eating it. So Ramin’s support (and my Dad’s acceptance that I would be serving up only Vegan meals in this time) to try a plant-based diet for three weeks gave me free reign to experiment see if that desire could be strengthened into commitment. I knew Ramin wasn’t going to become Vegan, in fact I’m not even putting that pressure on myself. I can’t operate that way actually, I find if I can’t have something then that’s ALL I want! I was sure there would be a shift, but I wanted to have an experience and then reflect on long term changes, not set myself up to fail or feel guilty.

On the first day, I had breakfast with my lovely friend Yas, who was super-supportive about our plan and even treated me to a Vegan cooked breakfast – which was yummy! Ramin and I went to a Vegetarian café in Cardiff called ‘Milgis’ and had the most delicious coconut based bowl of veggies while proudly announcing to the Waitress that we were Day One Vegans!

We enjoyed soy lattes in the city and I bought the Jamie Oliver book ‘Everyday Superfood’ (many great Vegetarian and Vegan recipes in there), spending the next few days making really tasty meals – slightly complicated, but well worth the effort.

soy latte in Costa

Yummy soy latte!

We ate a plant-based diet for 16 days (As well as Jamie’s ideas, I tried recipes from the wonderful Vegan book ‘Oh She Glows’ and various internet searches) before I had a really low day accompanied by a massive chicken craving. I gave in, and we ate chicken for a few days and I did feel better physically, yet sad about eating the meat. My Vegetarian friend assured me, along with hilarious chicken-noises, that I was in the process of making a transition, and not to be too hard on myself.

The Monday after the low-point-chicken-fest came along and Ramin decided two weeks was enough, he’d still happily eat any plant-based meals I prepared but he really loves cow’s milk in his coffee and was missing meat. This was totally fine by me, in fact I find it troublesome when couples get upset about their partner’s eating choices as who are we to dictate what someone else should or shouldn’t do? I’ve come to my decision through a lot of thought and knowledge from my research and interest in this subject, but Ramin hasn’t and I’m not going to impose it on him either. He has enough to deal with having MS as it is. Also through this pilot project he ate very tasty plant-based meals and has significantly reduced the amount of meat he now eats – so he is doing really well.

Oh She Glows: //ohsheglows.com

Delicata squash salad with lemon-tahini dressing

Weird aches

I found all the milk alternatives were giving me stomach ache, and when I went back to goats milk after the two weeks these aches went away! I wondered if I was detoxing or my body was reacting to something in the long-life process of these milks (I’ve read this can be the case)… then I considered this could something to do with my female workings and nothing to do with the food? Hard to know! The aches were consistent and I had a real lack of energy as well as feeling low. Was it hormones or digestion?

At the Doctors I had an examination and found out that I have a ‘female condition’ (I’ll spare you the details) – a yeast infection caused by Candida, a type of internal fungus. Of course the GP didn’t tell me this (as most GPs in my experience (not all, Ashley and Nirvana!!) make no connection between ill health and food), but the information allowed me to research the cause and then it all made sense. No wonder I had been feeling low, with stomach aches and cravings. My body was overrun with bad bacteria! I also realised, looking back at other symptoms and female examinations, that I’ve had this condition for over a year and it could be one of the main reasons why I’ve had a lack of energy on a regular basis.

I took the GP’s medicine and I also bought a jar of strong probiotics, started taking cider vinegar (with ‘the mother’ – i.e. another form of probiotics that helps the body become alkaline) daily and have since stopped eating anything off the list that can cause the bad bacteria to grow such as white bread tortillas, sugar, cheese and mushrooms. It’s as if my body knew I didn’t need cheese from the beginning. My body wants to be plant-based more than my mind does perhaps? The stomach aches stopped and my energy levels increased! I made a delicious sugar, gluten and dairy Vegan raw cake from Caramelia Cakery and a little bit every day has been enough to satisfy my chocolate desires!

Orange peanut raw cake – Caramelia Cakery: Buy the e-book here for only £5

Some other personal, immediate results you might be interested in

I’m sleeping better, only needing the loo once in the middle of the night, often sleeping all the way through the night (I used to need the loo 2-5 times a night!). I wake up around 7.30am (often earlier) feeling wide awake, when before I felt sluggish and only really felt ‘normal’ around 11.30am. Other toilet habits are great – daily – and easy. My sinuses are clearer (this is fantastic for my singing!), I don’t feel hungry between meals any more (I used to be a terrible snacker) and I’ve lost about 3 kilos since mid September. Another cool thing is that our shopping bill has been reduced by about a third! It only starts getting expensive when I buy ready-made Vegan foods. If I cook from scratch, it’s way cheaper to eat plant-based meals and of course much healthier too.

Pilot project over, what have I decided?

So on reflection, I have decided to commit to a Vegetarian diet with the option to have meat if I ever feel an overwhelming urge for it. I’m also going to try to eat foods that will satisfy any such cravings first, rather than just lunging for the meat. I’m taking a B12 sublingual supplement and a few teaspoons of Feroglobin daily (to ward off anaemia which runs in my family) as well as my usual probiotics and Vitamin C supplements. I read online that many see Vegan as the goal and Vegetarian as the cut off point. I like that. It feels realistic to me and something I can stick with.

The Vegan/Plant-Based friends of mine who have influenced and inspired me have done so through love, a down-to-earth approach and detachment from my or anyone else’s choices (thank you Natasha and Gareth!). I’ve loved how much they love food, making me realize I can still love food as much as I do – just make different tasty choices.

Harissa roasted aubergine – Jamie Oliver (Everyday Superfood)

Becoming Vegetarian is a huge change for me as I used to eat meat or fish every day, for lunch and dinner. If I can sustain this way of eating I have accomplished something so important – as the will of my soul (the rider) has reined in the will of my body (the horse) and oh that rounded-bellied horse loved to run, well eat!

I always buy free-range eggs and I don’t really see any harm in eating them to be honest, the chickens don’t suffer! The same is with honey. Goat’s milk and my stomach are friends and for now, I’m happy with that. Recently found coconut milk is fab too. I will phase the milk out (as I don’t want to be responsible for the slaughter of young billy goats), but I’m being kind to myself with this one…. I’m giving it longer to make the transition. I can still see myself becoming Vegan in the future. It’s a lot closer now than it was 3 weeks ago.

Motivation

I decided to have a go at a plant-based diet in the first place, not only because I want my life choices to not cause suffering to other creatures, but also to be able to prevent serious illness like the Cancer my Mum eventually lost her battle with. I’m not afraid of death and I believe we are eternal beings, taking everything we have learned with us into the next world. We are what we have made of our souls. Yet I want to live this life with health, energy, positive feelings about my actions and their consequences and to be of service to others. I wish Mum and I had both had a go at this many years ago – as maybe she’d then still be with us?

After Mum passed I had a dream I was asleep on my bed and received a huge delivery of huge boxes of fruit and vegetables, with a note asking us to share these with people in our community. I felt this was an impossible task as I didn’t have a car, and wondered if Ramin and I should just keep them for ourselves? I interpreted this dream to mean that I needed to share with people the spiritual fruits of my Mum’s life and as a result Dad and I called the newspapers who ran a big story on the life of my Mum. We all began walking around the house joyously shouting ‘Share the fruits!’

Yet I also think my Mum was sending me a message in this dream, to literally eat fruit and vegetables and to share this knowledge with others. Mum Kalim and Fleur 2013My determination to eat a plant-based diet has developed more strongly within me in the last year than ever before and I think this is because my Mum is assisting me from the spiritual worlds of God. Health, happiness and strength to any of you lovely ones out there, making efforts to improve your lives and your impact on the world around you. And please, let’s be kind to one another, whatever is on our plate as we are all on different paths and it’s only love that changes anything, not judgement. As Ghandi so beautifully said, ‘Be the change you want to see’.

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Tofu stir-fry with peanut sauce

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Knocking on Heaven’s Door

How often do we sit down and pray ardently for our friends? Do we sacrifice our time and energy in prayer for others? Or do we just pray for ourselves and what we want out of life? Going through some challenges at home, I realised I needed some Divine assistance. A few friends of mine were also going though difficulties, so I thought I’d make a prayer list. The following blog post are my thoughts on the experience of doing a 9 day prayer plan. I put out a request on Facebook;

“I am going to start a 9 day prayer plan next week from the 16th September to the 24th September. If there is anyone who would like me to include them on my prayer lists – healing/marriage/tests/new challenges/ guidance etc – please message me and I will be honoured to do so. If anyone would like to join me in prayer, that would be great too! I’m happy to pray for friends of all faiths or no faiths – so this message isn’t just for Bahá’ís!”

Then on the 16th I also said this:

“Day One of my 9 day prayer plan starts today. I have about 25 people on my list. Any more takers? Last chance – after today you’ll either need to wait until the next prayer plan, start your own plan or ask someone else to pray for you! :)”

I was overwhelmed with responses – message after message flooded in. Ten people also joined me on the 9 day prayer plan – two dear friends (one in the UK and one in Minnesota, USA) also synching the timing of their prayers with mine.

Just before 8pm, another few people quickly contacted me – one literally as I was turning off my phone – and I added them to the list. On day two another dear friend asked if I could remember her son and of course I agreed.

So the 9 days have now come to an end and I’m reflecting on the experience.

Overall I feel honoured and moved that a large group of people asked me to pray for them. It felt like I was standing outside a sacred temple, with over 100 people who all entrusted me with their hopes, fears, concerns and pleas. I heard their voices, embraced them virtually and then walked into the temple, offering my desire for my friend’s healing and guidance and asking for God’s Will to be done. Walking beside me, adding my voice to theirs were the ten people I mentioned before as well as my father and my husband who joined me most nights.

It would have been too arduous a task to think of all the people every night – so I read the names of the people on the list out-loud before saying the first prayer, placing them in the care of a higher power, a greater memory. It’s interesting that I had over 100 people on my final list and over ten people who prayed with me – maybe I should have given each praying friend the names of ten friends from the list each? That’s an idea for next time.

Most nights I said either The Long Healing Prayer or The Fire Tablet from the Baha’i writings. There were a few nights when I said 9 ‘Remover of Difficulties’ instead, as I was just too tired to say a longer prayer – and there was one day when I just plain forgot and so said prayers the next morning.

I realised a few things:

I believe in the power of prayer for transformation, for shifting obstacles and for placing one’s life in God’s hands. I always feel much stronger after saying prayers, I have a greater focus and can handle challenges from a place of calm rather than panic. When I put out a call for people who needed prayers too I was quite surprised just how many friends responded. I thought about 20 people would respond. Receiving over 100 requests, this makes me wonder if we need to be asking friends if they need prayers more often!

In the West, we tend to hide our faces away when life gets tough, and suffer in silence a lot, thinking we are the only ones having such a hard time. Yes it’s good to not burden others with our worries, but asking a friend to pray for you throughout a particular challenge is a way your friend can help, it might be the only way sometimes.   Even if someone doesn’t believe in God, in a next world, in the soul – it actually doesn’t matter. The fact that I am sitting down over a period of time to think of my friend with love in my heart and asking a Higher Power (whatever that means to me or you) to help that friend – is a beautiful thing for the intention is pure. So let’s do it more often!

I’ve been brought up to pray my way through difficulties. It’s always been a part of family life. They used to call it ‘knocking on heaven’s door’. I remember my parents ardently praying through periods of time when we were involved in sharing the healing message of Baha’u’lláh with new people. I remember repeating healing prayers over and over again when my brother was a small child with terrible weeping excema to help him fall asleep and to calm myself down because his cries were so distressing. I remember saying the Long Healing Prayer day after day by Ramin’s raised bed when he was sleeping, thin and vulnerable because his relapses were rushing him to hospital month after month.  I remember saying the same prayer as above every day of the last few months of my Mother’s life – not for her Cancer to be taken away, but for her to move into the next part of her eternal existence peacefully and for us all to have the strength to let her go. I do not know how anyone copes with life’s huge ups and downs without prayer.

I think we need to talk about this subject more. We need to say less ‘token’ offerings and more heartfelt yearnings. I certainly want to immerse myself in the ocean of prayer and gain strength from it’s force and ceaseless movement, its healing power.

On Baha’i.org the way we pray together as Bahá’ís around the world is beautifully described,

“Devotional meetings spring up naturally in a community where a conversation about the spiritual dimension of human existence is growing. In diverse settings, Bahá’ís and their friends and families unite with one another in prayer. There are no rituals; no one individual has any special role. Meetings consist largely of reading prayers and passages from the Bahá’í sacred texts in an informal yet respectful atmosphere. A spirit of communal worship is generated by these simple gatherings, and this spirit begins to permeate the community’s collective endeavours.”

Something very special happens when you remember people in prayer. Its like all the external differences just melt away and you feel a pure connection. In these 9 days, I felt so much love! About prayer —‘Abdu’l-Baha says,

“Praise be to God, thy heart is engaged in the commemoration of God, thy soul is gladdened by the glad tidings of God and thou art absorbed in prayer. The state of prayer is the best of conditions…”

So in these 9 days when I said a special prayer for my friends, my soul was ‘gladdened by the glad tidings of God’.  I am thankful that my friends gave me the opportunity to be in ‘the best of conditions’. Praying is truly an example of these insightful words, ‘to sacrifice is to receive a gift’.

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The 10 Reasons why I Deactivated Facebook (And 5 Reasons why I Went Back)

Recently I deactivated my Facebook Account for about a month and here are the reasons why:

1. BABY PHOTOS Every time I saw a baby photo or cute kids photo/video it hurt my heart. I found myself involuntarily comparing my life to the person’s life – especially the mother – and for a moment I just felt bad about the path my life has taken. I don’t feel like this when I see a friend’s baby in real life as I can build a relationship with the child which is good and full of love. I feel privileged to have had all my life’s experiences and grateful that I have a Faith that sustains me daily, I wrote more about coping with this part of my life in my blog post ‘A Child-Full Couple‘ during my month long break from FB.

2. OVER-SCROLL vs CREATIVITY I spend waaay too much time scrolling and could be doing something (writing, singing or composing in my case) creative instead.  I don’t need FB as a distraction on my phone or my computer (which is also my place of work). (Since my break, I am much more detached from scrolling, I have curbed my natural slide into procrastination, feel less distracted and I am being waaaay more creative.

3. JUNK MAIL If I’m honest, I’m just not interested in people’s weight loss, football score opinions, posters telling me I’m eating a burger wrong, videos about animal cruelty, petitions to end this or that war (like they really have an influence??!! It’s just another  way of gaining email addresses), games to tell me what spirit animal I am or what religion I should be and so on… It’s like I am letting a pile of junk mail flow through my brain every time  – just to see if there is any nugget of interest hidden in there. Apart from the cat videos of course 🙂

4. I AM HAPPY BEING ME WITHOUT YOUR APPROVAL
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FB can feel like a big bowl of white pasta that has very little nutritional value and can put you into a stupor as you let trivial information flow uncontrolled into your mind. I don’t want people to know where I am all the time, what my feelings are or what my opinion is on a Pop Star’s love life, what holiday I had or the size of my house. These things do not reflect my reality. I am a spiritual being having a physical experience and my time here is precious, not to be killed off in trivia.

5. THE OVER-POSTERS People constantly over-post where you get ten posts all about more or less the same thing. We don’t hijack conversations in real life so that we can obsess about one subject do we?! And we don’t dump a random series of information into people’s laps hoping they’ll ‘like’ us – so why do we think this is effective on social media as a way of connecting people?

6.  LACK OF TRUE INTERACTION  I have a large number of friends on FB yet keep seeing the same 20 people’s posts over and over again. Yes I love these friends but I feel the process of connecting to many people isn’t actually what happens. We are promised diversity and interaction yet in reality we are stuck in the same room as the same people every day. Yet the people in my room are different to the people in your room and different again to all the people present – so it’s like there are 20 people all on the phone to 20 different people having brief conversations when they could just put down their phones, hop on a bus (or get on Skype) and talk to each other face to face for an hour. Cuppa tea?

7. ADDICTIVE I don’t like the pull of something when I know it’s not good for me – a pattern of behaviour that demands certain responses. I want to have a day much freer to be able to do, say, comment, respond, interact on a deeper level. This is also why I don’t drink alcohol, smoke or do drugs. I also can’t play video games for long – they suck me in and suck my time away.

8. QUICK JUDGEMENTS FB has the power to train our brains to make quick comments and thoughts (and judgements –  like knee jerk reactions) and I feel this form of social media can trivialise the important stuff. Over a long period of time where connections are always brief and immediate, it could damage human relations to an irreparable extent. Surely we should be promoting self-reflection, deeper interactions as conversations are raised higher than the mundane – reflecting how humanity is a noble creation of God?

9. PSEUDO-SPIRITUAL MEMES
pseudo 10. CHARITABLE STATUS GAMES Here’s an excellent article which explains why much better than I could: Breast Cancer is not a Facebook Status game.

And the reasons I came back to Facebook are:

1. MY CONTACTS

With the Flynns in Dormagen

Ramin with the Flynns in Dormagen

I now have a large group of friends who mainly communicate via Facebook Messenger, there are also many for whom the only contact details I have for them are on Facebook and if I want to stay in contact with them, then I’ll have to stay here. 2015-03-23-1427132139-7726406-IMG_1862.JPG

If I’m really serious about leaving FB forever, then I need to invest the time to transfer all their contact details into my ‘phonebook’ or email contact list. Also, I do love chatting with friends who live across the pond. Makes the world seem smaller.

2. SHARING Facebook is an amazing way to share information. I was overwhelmed when I saw how many times one of my blog posts had been read, shared and responded to. Many women wrote to me, to tell me their stories and to let me know that the article has helped them. Without Facebook, this wouldn’t have been possible.

3. IN THE LOOP I found out WEEKS later that two lovely young friends of mine are getting married this summer. Yes, maybe I need to be more patient, but this was hard! I didn’t like being out of the loop!

4. GOOD NEWS TV The News on TV mainly reports negativity and in the UK predominantly focuses on the economy (almost every story is driven by the economic benefit or deficit of an event). My friends on FB do a great job of sharing good news, exciting projects, new music and film as well as news of a more personal nature. Yes, I do filter out those who complain, moan and share horrible things – apologies if you are one of them!

5. HUMANS OF NEW YORK

Screen Shot 2015-03-23 at 16.41.13 So, now that I am back on the book of faces after my break – I don’t scroll as much, click on every survey or quiz and I’m more proactive in chatting with people to make sure our friendships are not  trivialised by short bursts. I recommend taking a few weeks out, as it helped me prioritise my creativity, gave me time to reflect on how to use my time effectively, rather than merely moving through habit. Habits can be dangerous when they are unconsciously formed by following the trend. I can see myself coming off completely some time in the future. Or at least having more breaks. Perhaps we all need to communicate more and scroll less.  And the baby photos are ok, I guess….but cat videos, oh we need more of those!

p.s. Here’s one just in case you felt you were missing out:

A Child-full Couple

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Ramin and I are now categorised as ‘A childless couple’. We have tried to get pregnant naturally for many years and finally went through a gruelling round of In-vitro-fertilisation (IVF) last Autumn and yet, for reasons still largely unknown, we conceived 3 embryos, yet did not stay pregnant. One round was enough for me. I asked God the question and received my answer. Previous to trying IVF we actually went through a year long process of applying to become Adoptive parents, yet sadly this route was closed to us. We could fight it. We could try somewhere else, but at the moment – this path is exhausted (and exhausting). We’ve now accepted that – unless a miracle happens – we will not be parents, and are moving on.

It’s tough for us both.

Coming to terms with this has been a longer process for Ramin than myself. Perhaps because my IVF experience was so physical. It’s another test related to MS that we both have to cope with, and it does often feel like the hardest part. It’s all the ‘what ifs…’ which play sad tunes on our heart strings.

Yet when I coo at and hold a baby in my arms, I instantly feel happy for the parents and joyful to be in the presence of a tiny soul. I don’t feel resentful or sad at not having kids myself. Here is another little person I can love, and it’s beautiful. Its the same when a friend announces she is pregnant! Wahoo! Another one of life’s miracles!

Today, I want to challenge that phrase ‘A childless couple’ as I think it’s misleading, comes from a materialistic view of life and annoys me because it assumes Ramin and I are missing out.

We live in a time when the quest for possessions, status and fame is well and truly up there with the quest for enlightenment. This influences the way we talk about and describe life’s achievements or failures. We all know that money and objects and fame does not make anyone happy in the long-term. In this society we are insidiously groomed to spend our whole lives aiming for spiritually empty-calorie goals and think less and less about feeding our soul spiritual food that would enrich us beyond measure. So a couple who do not have children are described as ‘A Childless Couple’ in the same way that a single woman is called ‘A Spinster’. Many people have ‘successful careers’ yet cannot stay faithful to their wives or husbands. So many famous movie stars, musicians and artists have died young through alcohol abuse or drug-overdoses (Oh River Phoenix!), yet we still envy their successes and wish we were more like them. The state of our soul is not as important as the estate we leave behind and then we enter the next world in a state of complete spiritual poverty. Yeah, that’s successful.

One of my favourite quotes from the Baha’i writings is this;

The soul of man is the sun by which his body is illumined,                                                          and from which it draweth it’s sustenance. (Baha’u’lláh)

So, in the light of this teaching, I choose to re-examine our societies’ established assumptions and judgements. A change in our perspective from materialistic to spiritually focused is not just a philosophical exercise, it’s a foundation for happiness.

‘A Childless Couple’ as a phrase annoys me, because of the word ‘less’. We don’t go around saying ‘An Abuse-less Couple’ for married couples who are loving to each other or ‘A Meat-less Couple’ for a married people who are Vegetarians do we? Also the phrase is just plain wrong and misleading!

Ramin and I both have sisters who have children, 3 on one side and 4 on the other. We love these kids. We talk about them all the time. I see elements of myself in the Welsh ones and elements of Ramin in the German ones. Spending time with them is joyful, rewarding and sometimes a bit too noisy (due to our own home being quieter), but I look forward to having their company and I feel I am in exactly the right place at the right time when we are with them.

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Our dear friends Vicky and Tom have two girls, who call us Aunty Fleur and Uncle Ramin. We love them and will always be there for them. I was living with V & T just before their first daughter was born and I have many wonderful memories of carrying her, going for walks with her in a sling and playing with her as a little one. Their second daughter is a joy and together the girls are so exuberantly loving!

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I have many friends with children, some live nearby, some live an hour away, some many hours away. When I see them, I enjoy the children’s company as much as their parents – and I always wonder at the different personalities, physical attributes, enthusiasms for this and that subject in life. I work on how I can be there for them as a trustworthy, spiritually minded adult. Or sometimes I just read stories before bed or sing silly songs to make them giggle.

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I have my own Aunties and Uncles who gave me time and attention, who loved me as a child and who I feel very close to today. One couple in particular, Des and Cynthia, who currently live in China, do not have their own children  – yet this never bothered me as a child. Des is an artist and I remember him painting with me as a child, chatting about life and having long deep conversations with my parents. My impression of him is that he is a laid-back Cowboy who has hung up his boots (even though his family are Irish/English) and I always found him fascinating to be around. When Des and Cynthia come to the UK, they often stay with us for a few days and the connection is just as strong.

The African proverb,  “It takes a village to raise a child” is as relevant now as it was generations ago. In fact I would say even more so in a time when so many loud voices clamour for our attention such as the Media, the passion for Celebrity, the ever-increasing competitive nature of work, play, status and the incredible ability we have to access knowledge. Children need positive examples in their lives, people who can guide them to have spiritual values and overcome tests through inner strength. Aunts and Uncles can be of great support to parents in this capacity. So I see it, as a Aunt that its my responsibility to help every child I come into contact with to shine their light, not only for their own happiness but also for the sake of the whole world. If we don’t help fan the bright flames into life, then we are assured (and can see the evidence in the news) the same capacity for bringing light will be diverted into a capacity for reflecting the lack of light, the darkness.

“Every child is potentially the light of the world,” ‘Abdu’l-Bahá would argue, “and at the same time its darkness.”

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“Training in morals and good conduct is far more important than book learning,” he said. “The child who conducts himself well, even though he be ignorant, is of benefit to others, while an ill-natured, ill-behaved child is corrupted and harmful to others, even though he be learned.” Of course, he commented, instilling both moral education and book learning in children would be preferable.

“Give them the advantage of every useful kind of knowledge,” ‘Abdu’l-Bahá wrote on the subject of child rearing. “Let them share in every new and rare and wondrous craft and art.” Yet he wasn’t suggesting a life of indulgence. “Bring them up to work and strive,” he added, “accustom them to hardship. Teach them to dedicate their lives to matters of great import, and inspire them to undertake studies that will benefit mankind.”

(From 239 Days in America. Click here to read more)

Not being able to have children has perhaps given me a deeper understanding of parental love in that reaching out beyond the immediate family (of my marriage) has caused me to reflect on how every person, with children or not (married or single) has an important part to play in the health and happiness of the village – which in this time in the history of mankind is now the whole world, a global village.  When we broaden the circle of love to the children in the neighbourhood or the region, the country or the continent and finally the whole planet, there are children all around us! Its all a matter of perspective. And just imagine what would transform if we all thought globally, saw every child as our own, loved every child as a member of our family.

So yes, Ramin and I have no children, but we are not childless. It’s our choice about how much we engage with the children that determines how much love we feel and receive back. Of course friends and family who are parents have a more engaged and intimate and I am sure more rewarding as well as testing relationships with their children than we do as Aunty Fleur and Uncle Ramin. Yet our related and non-related nieces and nephews are a very precious part of our lives. And when I think back to all the children who have been part of my drama classes over the years in Scotland or in Sherman Cymru, or who sang in whole-school assemblies with me in Primary Schools in Northamptonshire, or who learned beat-boxing and step-dance with my brother and I in Mien Yang in China, or who learned to be confident and sing their hearts out at the Summer School last year in Romania, I have to ask myself, am I childless? No, I’m child-full.

We are a child-full couple.

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Oh… and we sleep really well every night 😉